he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
