She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Soap is not a condiment
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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