well you can't waste a boner
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
