I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
