Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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