Welp...herpes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
