you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
