Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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