i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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