Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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