On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
