I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
