the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
