I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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