I just pynch a tree in the face
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
