I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
