this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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