she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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