Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
