I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
