Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
