Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
