And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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