I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
