No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
