Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
