I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
