What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
