If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
God, I missed his penis.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
