so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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