i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That was before I lit my hair on fire
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
