your thong is hanging out like whoa
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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