i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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