this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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