Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
