i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
