oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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