the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
