You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
