The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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