some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
