Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
