On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
