I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
