I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
