I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can I color on your dick again?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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