the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
