I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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