I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
