Don't you send me to vm
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
