I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
